Give up chicken rice?

No way!

Although I don’t take it very often, Hainanese chicken rice is definitely one of my local favourites. Unfortunately, Types Bs like me, Matt and M are advised to trade chicken for turkey. Why? According the book, Cook Right 4 Your Type by Dr Peter J. D’Adamo, “Chicken contains a Type B agglutinating lectin in its muscle tissue, particularly in the breast meat. This lectin disturbs your system and can potentially lead to strokes and autoimmune disorders.”

I first read Eat Right 4 Your Type some years ago. Even though I found the contents of the book quite convincing – that every blood type is suited for different diets due to different digestive systems, it was difficult following through with the recommendations. Main reason was I wasn’t the one preparing my meals.

Before I continue, here’s the back cover for a quick overview:

“If your blood type is O, stick to high protein (red meat) and low carbohydrates

If your blood type is A, you should be a vegetarian (high carbohydrates, low fat)

If your blood type is B, you can enjoy most dairy products, as well as a balance of meat, fish, grains, vegetables and fruit.

If your blood type is AB, your diet should be mostly vegetarian, with modest supplements of meat and dairy”

So, since I started preparing meals (buying the ingredients and cooking) for M about a year ago, I realised I finally had no excuse for not following the Type B diet. The most difficult part of it has really been avoiding chicken, which is such a mainstay. I’ve managed to stop cooking chicken now, but we still take half of our meals are at my mum’s place where I don’t decide the menu.

Another item difficult to do away with is tomato! Who would have thought that tomatoes which have been touted as an antioxidant powerhouse be unsuitable for Type Bs? Again, “Tomatoes must be eliminated from the Type B diet. The panhaemaglutinans produce a strong reaction, usually in the form of irritation of the stomach lining.” Tomato base pastas are another favourite of ours. Although I like cheese, I’ve never quite taken to cream base pastas well, so we make do with aglio olio style pastas these days. What about pizzas? I make them myself now, with only cheese topping!

In the book, every blood type is given a “Highly Beneficial”, “Neutral”, “Avoid” list of foods. As suggested by the author, the first step is trying to eat more of the “Highly Beneficial” foods and slowly eliminate foods from the “Avoid” list. These days, I try to stock my kitchen with “Highly Beneficial” foods. I’m definitely not done eliminating food from the “Avoid” list, but this book is by my bedside and I refer to it from time to time.

Sounds too extreme? As it is, I don’t think we can ever avoid all the food listed in the “Avoid” list. But then, as the Chinese saying goes 病从口入 – casually translated as “illness finds its way in through the mouth”

I ought to give it a try at least!

Is my mum happier than me?

I came across an interesting article, What Women Want Now in the October 26 edition TIME magazine. It caught my interest and I downloaded a paper titled The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness cited in the article.

Here’s the abstract the paper, authored by Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers of The Wharton School, University of Pennsylvania:

“By many objective measures, the lives of women in the United States have improved over the past 35 years, yet we show that measures of subjective well-being indicate that women’s happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men. The paradox of women’s declining relative well-being is found across various datasets, measures of subjective well-being, and is pervasive across demographic groups and industrialized countries. Relative declines in female happiness have eroded a gender gap in happiness in which women in the 1970s typically reported higher subjective well-being than did men. These declines have continued and a new gender gap is emerging–one with higher subjective well-being for men.”

As a female, it hit me that it may be true that as we got more education, freedom and money, our lives have become more complicated. It also reminds of the Marslow’s hierarchy of needs which we learnt in school. As we get our lower-level needs (Physiological, Safety, Love/Belonging, Esteem) satisfied, we move up to the highest level of self-actualisation needs which are undoubtedly harder to attain.

Take my mum as an example, she received only primary school education and is financially dependent (first on the man who brought her up then the man she married). For most of her life, her goal was to bring up her four kids. She did some casual work after her kids were more independent and any income earned was her pocket money. As a grandmother of four now, she is the primary caregiver of one. Is she happier than me?

I’m not sure, really. She is happy, no doubt. But she may have some regrets too. As we prepare M for half-day childcare next month, I’ve been thinking about what lies ahead for me. I believe I will not find as much meaning staying home going forward as M starts to spend more time away from home. Well, unless we have another child.

Interestingly, the results of the study above suggested that level of subjective happiness was no different between women who were young or old, educated or not educated, married or divorced, kids or no kids, working mums or stay-at-home mums… Mind boggling indeed….

Perhaps we have all gotten out of sync with reality? Expecting to stay happily married, have wonderful kids, excel in our careers, be a fashionista etc… all at the same time. Sure, there’re a few superwomen out there who are constantly featured in the media. But don’t they just make the rest of us less happy?

Sometimes, societal pressures, government propaganda and clever consumer marketing can mislead us into thinking what makes us happy. I recall the many times people around me have commented “What a waste!” when they find out I’m a stay-at-home mum. This led to a rather heated argument once. And ever since then, I’ve learnt to just acknowledge and pass it off.

But what I really want to say is “Doing what you enjoy cannot be a waste!”

Guilty of ‘put-downs’?

Well yes, I’m definitely guilty. Quoting author Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer, a ‘put-down’ is

“an unnecessarily negative statement which has the effect of making the recipient feel less good about themselves, of damaging their self-respect and belief in themselves and their competence.”

I try to mind my language around M but still can’t help directing some ‘put downs’ at her on occasions. My most common ones are “Don’t run. You’ll fall” “Don’t embarrass me” “Why are you so lazy?”

Hopefully, they’ve not done any major damage to M’s self-esteem. According to the book, too much of these ‘put downs’ can “cause resentment and create distance and resistance”, which can have negative long-term effects on a child’s self-image and his/her future relationships.

Funny though… because this supposedly damaging way of parenting is how I grew up. Asian parents often put down their kids and seldom praise their kids for fear that they’ll get complacent. Not too long ago, I heard a relative shouting at her primary one kid “You stupid ah?” Most people around us turned out fine, but who knows, some may have gone further with a bit more praise.

Anyway, this book is really like a child psychology textbook, defining and conceptualising self-esteem, self-confidence, self-reliance and self-discipline and how one leads to the next. And so even though it’s been a rather boring book to read, I’m glad it got me to appreciate how our everyday words and actions can make a difference to our children’s lives.

But at the end of the day, I think it’s about us being happy parents, spouses, workers… How else can we expect happy children?