Living with cavemen…

Well, that’s how Dr Harvey Karp describes toddlers in his ‘The Happiest Toddler on the Block’ DVD. An extract from his website:

“Cavemen were stubborn, opinionated, and not too verbal. They bit and spat when angry, were sloppy eaters, hated to wait in line, and were negative, tenacious, distractible, and impatient…”

All parents with terrible twos understand the frustration we go through when our kids act out. Although M has been pretty much a ‘textbook’ baby, she definitely has her fair share of tantrums (during bath and meal times especially). Recently, she even started hitting, biting and scratching her cousin! Although I can’t help defending M that she had been provoked into doing so sometimes…

Of course that does not make the behaviour any more acceptable, so Matt and I have been showing our disapproval every time she does that, so much so that she’s now afraid of getting into grandma’s house. She would want me to carry her even before the door is opened, because cousin S usually runs to us and insists on taking off M’s shoes despite M saying “No No…”. And cavemen M has responded several times with scratching or hitting S.

Anyway, we watched this DVD a few weeks ago and thought we should share it. Dr Karp presents an age-old advice of acknowledging our toddlers in a new and interesting way. He calls it the “Fast Food Rule”, which is how we should always repeat our toddler’s wants after him/her, letting him/her know we’ve understood him/her. Another interesting concept is “Toddler-ese”, which is speaking in your toddler’s primitive language in order to connect with a kid going through a tantrum.

So, I tried to put to practice this method when we came home late one night and did not want M to watch another 30 minutes of TV before bedtime (she was obviously tired but wanted to go through her usual routine of TV, milk, bed). After getting dressed, she headed for her bedroom door but I refused to let her out, saying “No Hi-5, it’s late”. She then started to whine, then wailed “I want to watch Hi-5!” repeatedly.

So I echoed “You want to watch Hi-5?” a few times, she nodded and stopped crying. I continued with “But it’s late now, you’re tired, you need to drink your milk and go to bed, you can watch it tomorrow, alright?” She started wailing again, banging on her bedroom door. But once I say “ You want to watch Hi-5?” she stops and I’ll say “You can watch it tomorrow, alright? Mummy promise.”

We went through many rounds of this before she finally calmed herself down and said “It’s late, cannot watch Hi-5.” Wow… amazing I thought, I almost wanted to give up and let her out! I must say I found it quite comical acting like her and trying to match her level of emotion as suggested by the “Toddler-ese” concept. I actually had to control my laughter many times!

In recent weeks, it’s been easier getting her to accept not watching TV before bedtime, especially when it’s late. Usually, I suggest reading her a book and she’s fine. There’re other concepts which Dr Karp explains in his ‘The Happiest Toddler on the Block’ DVD, book and website which go a long way towards helping parents deal with the daily struggles with their toddlers.

I’ll try this method whenever M acts out these days. Not always successful but definitely worth a try!