My flesh and blood…

On my first visit to my gynaecologist when I was pregnant with M, I was informed that I had 2 fibroids. Even though the size of the fibroids were rather small then (1.1 cm and 2.1 cm), we were forewarned that fibroids can complicate pregnancies if they continue to grow, taking away essential nutrients from the foetus. However, gynae informed us that nothing can be done to the fibroids during pregnancy so we could only monitor and hope for the best.

And we were very fortunate that my fibroids hardly grew during the next 34 weeks (pregnancies can accelerate their growth). The check-ups after childbirth showed they remained ‘subdued’ in the sense that no medical intervention was required. However, gynae did remind me that I should go for a review if I start experiencing heavy periods.

Before I continue, some background information about fibroids. Uterine fibroids are benign tumours (muscle growth) which rarely turn cancerous. Their size can range from as small as a pea to as big as a melon. Most common symptoms are heavy bleeding, abdominal pressure or discomfort and changes to bladder & bowel movements. The female hormones – oestrogen and progesterone have been related to the growth of fibroids but the real cause is unknown. Treatment options vary with different sizes and locations of the fibroids.

So early this year, I noticed my period was gradually getting heavier and the last time I saw gynae was probably late 2007 (when my period had just returned since I breastfed for 6 months). It took me a while to finally find time to visit gynae, sometime in May.

And then came the not so good news – one of the fibroids (originally 2.1 cm) had now doubled in size to nearly 5 cm. Gynae recommended that I have them removed in a surgery (myomectomy) before my next pregnancy to avoid complications. I was really frightened by the thought of a surgery (I’ve never had one!). But gynae said situation was not critical and a review was planned 6 months later. Meanwhile, she prescribed some medicine for me to deal with the heavy period.

After getting over the initial shock of an impending surgery, I did some online research. It seems surgery to remove the fibroids (myomectomy) is usually recommended for women who still want to have children. For those who have no need for childbearing, a surgery to remove the uterus (hysterectomy) is sometimes recommended since it will remove the possibility of new fibroid growth which is the drawback of a myomectomy. A keyhole surgery (laparoscopic myomectomy) is possible in some cases but I recalled gynae saying she won’t be able to detect any other small fibroids which may not have been picked up by ultra-sound.

I also read about how some people were able to totally dissolve their fibroids by adopting some special diet or lifestyle. But they obviously wanted money for revealing their ‘secrets’, which I’m still not convinced. Anyway, I decided to visit the TCM practitioner that I’ve seen when I was pregnant to see if he could do anything the ‘natural’ way.

He painted a similar gloomy outlook of fibroids, saying that they will cause ‘damage’ to a foetus and that fibroids bigger than 3.5 cm are difficult to dissolve. Hearing this, I really regretted not seeing him earlier! Nonetheless, he prescribed some chinese herbs to be brewed.

After two doses of that yucky horrible-smelling black concoction, I noticed a lighter period the following month. Encouraged, I’ve gone back to see him 2 more times since he prescribes herbs for a month per visit. In the last visit, he mentioned it would be good that I go for an ultra-sound scan to check on the fibroids’ situation. Since it’s pretty near the review date, I’ll be making that trip soon.

Well, all these have just made me rethink if we should have another kid, since the objective of the surgery at this stage would mainly be for that purpose. My current symptoms are still rather mild and I could probably live with them for a while before any serious medical intervention.

Hmm… still pondering on it. Let’s see what comes out of my visit to gynae…

p/s: this video provides a good overview of fibroids (with gory pictures of fibroids)…. so not for the faint-hearted!

Living with cavemen…

Well, that’s how Dr Harvey Karp describes toddlers in his ‘The Happiest Toddler on the Block’ DVD. An extract from his website:

“Cavemen were stubborn, opinionated, and not too verbal. They bit and spat when angry, were sloppy eaters, hated to wait in line, and were negative, tenacious, distractible, and impatient…”

All parents with terrible twos understand the frustration we go through when our kids act out. Although M has been pretty much a ‘textbook’ baby, she definitely has her fair share of tantrums (during bath and meal times especially). Recently, she even started hitting, biting and scratching her cousin! Although I can’t help defending M that she had been provoked into doing so sometimes…

Of course that does not make the behaviour any more acceptable, so Matt and I have been showing our disapproval every time she does that, so much so that she’s now afraid of getting into grandma’s house. She would want me to carry her even before the door is opened, because cousin S usually runs to us and insists on taking off M’s shoes despite M saying “No No…”. And cavemen M has responded several times with scratching or hitting S.

Anyway, we watched this DVD a few weeks ago and thought we should share it. Dr Karp presents an age-old advice of acknowledging our toddlers in a new and interesting way. He calls it the “Fast Food Rule”, which is how we should always repeat our toddler’s wants after him/her, letting him/her know we’ve understood him/her. Another interesting concept is “Toddler-ese”, which is speaking in your toddler’s primitive language in order to connect with a kid going through a tantrum.

So, I tried to put to practice this method when we came home late one night and did not want M to watch another 30 minutes of TV before bedtime (she was obviously tired but wanted to go through her usual routine of TV, milk, bed). After getting dressed, she headed for her bedroom door but I refused to let her out, saying “No Hi-5, it’s late”. She then started to whine, then wailed “I want to watch Hi-5!” repeatedly.

So I echoed “You want to watch Hi-5?” a few times, she nodded and stopped crying. I continued with “But it’s late now, you’re tired, you need to drink your milk and go to bed, you can watch it tomorrow, alright?” She started wailing again, banging on her bedroom door. But once I say “ You want to watch Hi-5?” she stops and I’ll say “You can watch it tomorrow, alright? Mummy promise.”

We went through many rounds of this before she finally calmed herself down and said “It’s late, cannot watch Hi-5.” Wow… amazing I thought, I almost wanted to give up and let her out! I must say I found it quite comical acting like her and trying to match her level of emotion as suggested by the “Toddler-ese” concept. I actually had to control my laughter many times!

In recent weeks, it’s been easier getting her to accept not watching TV before bedtime, especially when it’s late. Usually, I suggest reading her a book and she’s fine. There’re other concepts which Dr Karp explains in his ‘The Happiest Toddler on the Block’ DVD, book and website which go a long way towards helping parents deal with the daily struggles with their toddlers.

I’ll try this method whenever M acts out these days. Not always successful but definitely worth a try!

2 toilet paper rolls = 1 camera ?

I’ve been putting aside ‘useless’ things for M to play and explore since she was a baby. That can be pamphlets, boxes, packaging, price tags, toilet paper rolls… things which we would otherwise discard. And most of them turn out to be interesting only the first time round.

We were doodling one afternoon when I happened to spot a few toilet paper rolls I had set aside earlier. I suggested drawing on them and M got excited at doing something new with them (besides looking through them). When we were done, I took out some tape to stick two of them together and she instantly took it as her ‘camera’.

She would ask me and her soft toys to ‘smile’ for her and proudly announce afterwards that she had taken pictures with her ‘camera’. Because she always wanted to hold on to our digital camera whenever we wanted to take pictures, she was very happy to finally own one.

Anyway, her ‘camera’, turned out pretty useful during our recent trip to the zoo. As we prepared for our trip on that Saturday morning, M wanted to hold on to her ‘camera’. When we were in the lift, she was showing a neighbour her ‘camera’ and telling him that she’s going to take pictures of the animals in the zoo (of course mummy had to act as her translator). The neighbour couldn’t control his grin and commented that her ‘camera’ was really ‘hi-tech’. LOL

At the zoo, M was happily snapping pictures with it, and we could finally take some clear pictures of her! (which is quite challenging these days) It was really amusing watching her do that. I just couldn’t stop laughing! I actually felt bad watching M make a ‘fool’ of herself after a while.

But oh well, it’s all for some good, clean and cheap fun that’ll probably only happen once!

Why we chose School House by the Garden…

Before I elaborate further on our final choice of childcare centre, let me just a few points on our eventual decision on a childcare centre over a kindy for M – which I briefly discussed in my previous post.

1) Half-day ‘freedom’. After 2.5 years of staying home with M, I do hope to get some time off finally to explore my own interests! If she goes to a regular kindy, I would prefer to cook her lunch and that will definitely ‘eat’ into my ‘freedom’ time.

2) Given the above point, I hope we can reduce the frequency we go over to my mum’s place for dinner (currently 5 days a week) to perhaps 2-3 days a week. Which of course means I’ll be cooking dinner!

3) One big plus point about childcare centres is they do not have term breaks like the kindergartens! I can imagine how ‘disruptive’ that can be for my ‘freedom’ plans.

4) Alternative care for my absence and recovery for my impending surgery. (This will need a separate post…)

So… Before we set out to visit the childcare centres we shortlisted, here’s my wish list:

1) No air-conditioning: Besides preventing the rapid spread of diseases, M has been living without it in the day so I thought it might be better to stay this way.

2) Private outdoor play area: Since we live in a high-rise HDB flat, M’s contact with nature has been somewhat limited so it’ll nice to let her explore the outdoors in a secure and safe environment.

3) No computers: This is one area I do not see a need for a headstart in life.

4) Clean, organised and pleasant environment: Almost a must-have, especially for young children.

5) Good curriculum: I hope I do not need to send M for ‘Primary 1 Preparedness’ classes in a few years’ time! But I think this is an extremely difficult area to assess, especially for non-teaching professional me. Anyway, I went to a bookstore to have a look at some P1 assessment books to get an idea of what the kids should know and got quite a shock – a ‘challenging’ maths assessment book! Do they really need this???

6) Good teachers: Another subjective area. After all, what is good varies from person to person. Besides passion and dedication which all centres claim their teachers have, I have a slight preference for younger teachers. Maybe it’s their energy level and ‘innocence’.

7) Hearty meals: An area I feel we have least control, it almost feels like ‘take it or leave it’. So I’ll be looking for balanced meals and nothing more.

Sufficient time for play: M is the sort that requires a lot of time to play and explore. So I definitely hope for each activity for be assigned enough time so she does not need to be rushed between activities.

Admittedly, there are some things which may be more easily assessed (physical environment) than others (teachers) and even then, one or two visits may not result in an accurate assessment.

Anyway, if you’re interested to read on, here’s a quick account of all the centres (Serangoon North area) we visited (and tried to visit).

Cambridge Child Development Centre (Poh Huat Cres): The asst. supervisor brought us around on a quick tour of the place, no presentation of timetable, meals or curriculum. No air-conditioning. Place seems noisy, perhaps it’s the traffic from the major road next to it. We heard one teacher screaming ‘SIT DOWN’ at the kids. Reasonable outdoor play area. Incidentally, I had read quite a few good comments about this centre so wasn’t sure if what we saw was a true reflection of the place.

School House by the Garden (Philips Ave): Non air-conditioned common areas (living room, dining area, bathrooms) with air-conditioned classrooms. As their website described, a ‘tranquil’ environment with a one-way road in front. Reasonable outdoor play area – a permanent wall for ‘graffiti’ and saw a tortoise and some small plants. Teacher who brought us around took her time to explain timetable, meals, curriculum. Teachers came across sincere and children contented. (Felt good leaving the place – must be the air of my childhood! My Primary School (which has closed down) is just around the corner.

Treasure Box (Parry Ave): Called 3 times between me and Matt but was not able to reach Principle who shuttles between centres. Refused to provide mobile number. Gave a final call when we left School House by the Garden but staff insists no visit without appointment with principle. Did not take down our contacts in those 4 calls. Anyway, place looks to be fully air-conditioned (closed doors and windows), we could not even take a peek into the house. No staff or children in sight. Outdoor play area seems reasonable. Put off by attitude of staff. Dropped from our list.

Preschool by-the-Park (Li Hwan View): Before we entered the place, we were already ‘awed’ by the property – a huge three-storey detached house with a swimming pool. Staff who took my call and brought me around was very professional – agreeing to show us around even though they do not even have an available place at the moment. Air-conditioned classrooms. Quite an international crowd – with expat kids. Brief presentation of timetable. Curriculum includes Kindermusik and offers enrichment programmes like violin and swimming classes. Pretty impressive outdoor play area (which comes at a price of course). Put M on their waiting list.

Preschool by-the-Park (Carmichael Rd): We were referred here by the staff from their Li Hwan centre. Principle brought us around, came across experienced, took time to explain their objectives and approach. Air-conditioning in classrooms not switched on. Ceiling fans in classrooms seemed to cause lighting to flicker. Quite an old property, will do good with some sprucing up. Met two Filipino teachers attending to the younger kids. Don’t mean to discriminate but I’m not too sure about M acquiring an Filipino-American accent. Distance from our place a little too far.

It’s not difficult guessing what’s our final choice. Crossing our fingers it’ll work out for M!

Our search is over!

Now that M is 2.5 years old, she is beginning to show more willingness to play with other children. Hence, we feel she might be ready for independent classes. The obvious choices we have are the Playgroup (or Pre-Nursery or Nursery 1 – N1) programmes offered by kindergartens (governed by MOE) or childcare centres (governed by MCYS). It’s interesting that the ‘market leader’ in kindergarten education – PCF – offers this programme only in selected centres.

After studying the lists available from the two ministries, we confirmed our observation that there are more childcare centres than kindergartens around our place. Childcare centres generally offer full- or half-day services. On top of the ‘school’ portion, they throw in meals and child minding services. Even before the start of our search, this was already my preferred choice, since it would free up more time for me. But cost wise, it seems more pricey than kindergartens, mainly because we are looking at half-day care. We visited four centres and our top choice costs $410 per month after a $150 subsidy for their half day service (8.30am – 12.30pm).

As for kindergartens, those we sampled were 3-hour (eg. 8.30am – 11.30am) in duration. Because it was my less preferred choice and there was only one nearby that we liked, we did not visit it in the end. However, we did find out that it costs $216 per month, based on a 10-week term of $540.(Note: none of the PCF kindergartens in our area offer N1.)

After some consideration, we decided we’ll just go with the childcare centre and see how things turn out. Being relieved of taking care of M for half a day (including cooking lunch) will open up so much more opportunities for me to explore.

And hence, our search is officially over (I hope)!

Routine for our ‘textbook’ baby…

M has been very much a ‘textbook’ baby and now toddler. And that’s according to the definitions from the book ‘Secrets of the Baby Whisperer’ by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau. In short, ‘textbook’ babies respond well to routines and require a high level of predictability. I’ve since read the follow-on book on toddlers as well. And the best tip I got from the book is on how to establish routines.

Besides routines, there’s another thing I liked about this book. It tries to ‘categorise’ babies and toddlers into 5 different types – Angel, Textbook, Touchy, Spirited, and Grumpy. Although it’s quite impossible that one child displays traits of one type only, it really got me to appreciate M for who she is. We parents often compare our babies but it’s really not fair to them because they’re all individuals. The strategies for dealing with each type of baby and toddler also came in useful.

And routines are just great for both mother and child, offering us security and predictability. The book also offers a really simple routine for young babies, E.A.S.Y. – Eat, Activity, Sleep, You (Mummy’s personal time). Using this suggestion, I was able to establish a routine for M by the time she was around 6 months old. Although I’m well-aware it won’t happen 100% of the time, but just knowing what comes next is good enough!

Let me give you an idea of M’s typical weekday at 29 months old.

7.00 am	Wake & Milk
7.30 am	‘Potty’
8.00 am	Breakfast
8.30 am	Activity
9.30 am	Snack then ‘Potty’
10.00 am	Activity
11.30 am	TV (so I can cook in peace)
12.00 nn	Lunch
12.30 pm	TV (her favourite ‘Hi-5’)
1.00 pm	Shower
1.30 pm	Nap
3.30 pm	Wake & Milk
4.00 pm	Activity
5.00 pm	Snack then ‘Potty’
5.30 pm	Activity
7.00 pm	Dinner
8.00 pm	Shower
8.30 pm	TV
9.00 pm	Milk & Sleep

p/s: On weekdays, I cook lunch and we go over to my mum’s place for dinner.

With so many ‘Activity’ times a day, I sometimes run out of ideas what to do! Which is why we attend some classes which takes us out of the house and allow me to sit back and follow the teachers’ lead. Other things we do to ‘kill’ time are: supermarket trips, walks to the park & playground, story-telling, baking, doodling, crafts, pretend plays etc…

With such a ‘hectic’ schedule, I ‘knock out’ by 9.15pm on some days